Why I still find my Wife Super-Hot: Part 2
The renown philosopher and theologian, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is famous for referring to his critics as "girly men". It is an understatement to say that being "girly" is an undesirable quality for a man to have. But is there anything wrong with a woman being labelled as "girly"?
Last time I talked about how I love the quality of loyalty in my wife. Another thing I appreciate about my wife is the fact that she is comfortable being a woman.
We live in a trans-sexual age where men are encouraged to behave more like women and women more like men. Though few people actually get the operation done and have their plumbing changed, a lot of people live that way. Some women have seen home-orientation as something to be shunned - and exchange that for the great privilege of making photocopies. I love the fact that my wife actually enjoys being a full-time mum and homebuilder. She has all together laughed at society's attempts to turn women inside-out. Now before the mob surrounds my house, this is not to say I think women shouldn't work outside the home; most of my female friends and relations do. So does the Biblical woman of Proverbs 31.
Us men are simple-minded creatures. About the age of 12 or 13 we start to judge the world by a simple criterion best illustrated by the arm-wrestling and footraces that boys of that age often engage in. Life is a simple contest for us: stronger and faster is the way to go. Women are naturally more nuanced and hold beautiful shades of complexity. It is a shame when they get sucked into a man's mindset and begin to give value to things from a man's point of view - this has been the cultural trend for some time now. We've had a devaluation of things traditionally feminine for too long. The result is that women try to be more like men and to compete in their worlds. Ironically this is called "feminism" by some, which is like calling cats attempting to be like dogs "felinism".
Against this current madness, my wife has delighted herself in her role as home-builder, mother and wife. She has never felt the need to compete with me as I have not with her. I love the way she makes bread, keeps the children dressed warm, makes the home a place where I want to be and love. She is a girl who doesn't mind being called "girly". She sees her role in home building as something honourable, valuable and beautiful. Not, as is felt by our current culture, something of low esteem. She holds fast to Scripture which says:
1 Tim 5.14 "Therefore, I want younger women to marry, have children, manage their households, and give the adversary no opportunity to accuse us. For some have already turned away to follow Satan."
And frankly, I find that pretty hot.
Good sir;
ReplyDeleteI was directed to this blog through a different site, and just wanted to express my dismay at your characterization of men as simple-minded and your characterization of working women as "playing at being men".
As a working female, without children, I cannot necessarily relate to your wife's situation. I'm sure she is happy, though. And that is what feminism is actually about. She has the choice to be a stay at home mother, and that is probably also based on the fact that you are successful enough to provide for a family on your single income! Congratulations! That is totally awesome!
But I would hope that you wouldn't be terribly offended if, when your children are older and don't necessarily need constant at-home supervision, your wife might pursue some sort of career pursuit outside of the home. I know I would feel very intellectually dull if I didn't have the stimulation of adult conversation or research of some sort to occupy my time.
In short, I'm totally happy that you love your wife will all of your heart, and you love that she's an attentive and caring mother. But in so recognizing that she is doing what she loves, please be mindful that there are women who are contributing to our society in other ways beyond ushering in the next generation.
I mean, did you hear about that young British woman who devised a plan that could cheaply and effectively divert an Asteroid that has a potential to impact earth and wipe out the entire human population? I'm quite glad she chose to go into research on THAT front, otherwise we might be staring down the barrel of human extinction!
Your views on men and women have no basis in reality- there will be more variation between individuals than between the two groups. Why do you find it sad when men are feminine? Is being feminine a bad thing? What does it even mean to be feminine?
ReplyDeleteMen are not inherently more simple-minded, nor are women inherently more likely to want to be a homemaker. To call work a man's world is utterly ridiculous. It's great that your wife is happy in what she's chosen to do, but there is nothing inherently feminine about staying at home to look after the family, many men do it perfectly well. Equally, there is nothing masculine about having a successful career, that should be obvious.
Thank you both for contributing to the discussion, your comments have been intelligent and gracious.
ReplyDeleteLazermole, I agree with you completely. I am blessed to know many working woman who enrich their worlds through their careers and I have no desire to see them stop. I certainly agree with you that it would be ridiculous to think woman working outside the home is, as you put it, "playing at being men".
Naomi, to share my thoughts on your questions:
1. I find it sad because the main distinction God gave humanity at creation wasn't "introvert" and "extrovert" but rather "He made them male and female". Young men should learn how to, to use the old Biblical language, "play the man". Effeminacy in men is not celebrated in Christian scripture.
2.No...not if your a woman.
3. To be an image bearer of God in a way distinct from masculine image bearers. (I know it only pushes the question back a step but a full answer... that takes another blog!)
Also, I agree with you "to call work a man's world is utterly ridiculous". But who is doing that?
I'm unsure what you mean by your last comment. I do think men were created to work and to successfully produce things. I think that when a man refuses to that (laziness, foolishness?) he loses something of his masculine essence.
Once again, thank you both for contributing:)
Joshua,
ReplyDeleteSo you posted your blog a few weeks ago, but I’ve been mulling over it for a while…
I love the fact you want to celebrate your wife in your blog. However the way you write your blog in general does make me feel uncomfortable. I think I understand that the whole point of it is the devaluation of motherhood but I’m afraid for me the way you went about it was a shame.
You comment on how your wife is comfortable being a woman and then go on to make broad statements about women are behaving like men and vice versa and quickly connecting that statement to women abandon home orientation and who drop their children off at day care to do important photocopying. Now the photocopying may have been a joke, I don’t know… but it makes me gutted to feel that in that paragraph I am made to feel like less of a person. It sounds very much like these women aren’t comfortable being women? Is that what you mean? Just because a woman can choose to use her God given photo copying skills and leave her children with men or women at school or in childcare for me doesn’t go hand in hand with abandoning being a woman. Is every woman who goes about her photocopying (work) someone who is seriously thinking about having her plumbing changed? Is every man who stays at home to look after the kids, bake bread girly and abandoning his ‘Biblical’ role as a man?
It also makes me sad that not only do you de value women and all that God has created us to be but you also minimise men.
Feminism is not even close to your little cat and dog analogy and men well I actually think men are way more than simple minded creatures, it’s a real shame you call them that.
Again it is great that your wife enjoys her role but again you seem to be alluding to the fact that any woman who doesn’t drive for the same aims is not following Biblical principles.
As a woman I want to see women fulfil their God given potential. I want to see them grow in their giftings. What of my women friends who choose not to have children? What of my male friends who embrace being a stay at home dad?
Joshua, what would happen in your home if your wife was to choose a career and then therefore it made more sense for you to be the stay at home dad? Would this make you less of a man?
(This isn’t me putting down your wife’s choice to stay at home and nurture the kids, this is just me flipping your apparent worldview upside down.)
I’m left feeling quite confused about your blog post and really what you are driving at. In some ways you seem to be celebrating women who are choosing the home life… great for some! But on the other hand you also seem to belittle women who work (photocopy) and yet in a newly added bracketed sentence, reluctantly celebrate women who work.
In conclusion I’m going to quote a friend who I’ve been mulling this over with: If you look at Jesus in these terms he was a total girly failure - he never had a job, he never produced anything, he never married, he never had sex with a wife, hot or otherwise, and in the end it appeared that his mission failed because he was killed for disturbing the peace. And to cap it all, when he got upset he cried!
So I hope this has come across ok, I just felt I needed to graciously challenge the way your blog came across, whether it was intended to or not. Well if anything, this blog has certainly got a lot of us thinking…!
God Bless,
Fran
Fran,
ReplyDeleteThank you for weighing in with your view. It's well thought out responses like yours which make running a blog enjoyable. I will try and respond to some of of your many provoking questions as well as ask a few of my own.
As for the first two questions about working women and stay at home dads (at the end of your first big paragraph)... well, the short answer is "no". Scripture praises many deeds which certain women wrought outside the sphere of the home and is relatively silent on the subject of stay-at-home dads. I think the deeper questions your paragraph seems to touch on are, "Are there such things as gender roles/emphasises in scripture?", and "Are these completely interchangeable?". I would answer "Yes" and "No" accordingly.
And yes, the "photocopying" was meant to be taken with a grain of salt.
As for the paragraph where you address me personally: I would have to answer "Yes" to your question about being a stay at home dad, but only if I can qualify that answer.
1. I have no objection to my wife pursuing a career en principe.
2. We live in an imperfect world. I know about job lay-offs and disabilities and other factors which might make such a set of circumstances seemingly inevitable. Yet such role-reversals are not ideal nor should they be pursued if possible.
3. As a father I believe it a particular calling to provide, if able, for my small children. I believe a mother is called, if possible, to nurture and raise her small children. Though this does not necessarily exclude a career outside the home, it does at least limit it for a season.
Though it's not a question, I'm not sure I totally track with the Jesus comparison. I'm not sure how a carpenter-turned-rabbi can be said to have never had a job nor produced anything. I do think that Christ does have a bride he loves(us). And after all, who's suggesting that its inappropriate for men to cry at funerals?
I end by saying:
1. I do not wish any woman to feel like less of a person regardless of her job and am glad you articulated your feelings and thoughts as you did. If either you or any of our sisters feel I need to elaborate further or explain my convictions, I am happy to do so.
2. Not every women is called to be wife and mother and those women are of equal value to those who are. Same goes for men.
3. I defend the underlying convictions which uphold my original posting: A. Gender matters. B. Though a father and mother's area of calling may share much overlap, they are not interchangeable.
I hope this has at least clarified things if not given a reader or two at least a moment of thought.
without wax,
Joshua