£3 Worth of Evil Please

Hello.

I’d like to buy £3 worth of evil, please.

Not so much as to harm my reputation nor enough to make an addict out of me. I don’t want to make the evening news or to end up in prison.  In fact, please give me only the mild, harmless variety as I’m often complimented on my manners and would like to keep them finely polished.

I want just enough evil to allow me some revenge on the ones who hurt me. After all, they certainly deserve it.  It’s justice really. Okay… if I have any leftover perhaps I’ll indulge in a small, forbidden pleasure.

It’s not so bad and I’m pretty sure no one gets hurt. What is the best way to consume this anyway? Should I ever mix it with something good to help balance it?  If I mix in a complaint about bank CEOs will it erase the guilty aftertaste when I’m stingy with my own money?  

Yes, just a small $3 amount. I don’t want so much evil as would disturb my sleep beyond what a cup of chamomile tea can fix.

Yes, please just put my evil in that unmarked paper bag; not that I’m... ashamed.

Sure, I’ll take a loyalty card.  So many good deals here!  It would be almost wrong not to come back. Thank you, sir.  You keep a very clean store, the service is so friendly and you’re much more accommodating than the competition.

Goodbye.
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