Dear Ofsted

Dear Ofsted,

I am writing to save you a visit. It seems that you are in the process of reviving plans to assume oversight over non-state schools and programs that involve children and youth to ensure that such activities are in line with British values. According to the reports (Here), this will include churches such as ours.

I wish to lay the ethics of your little power grab over the activities of private citizens aside for a moment. Let me simply do you a favour so that you do not make a needless visit up our way. If you’re curious to know if what our church teaches its adults and children is in line with your ever-changing list of British Values, the answer is ‘No’.

At least, not all of them. There may be some on your list that are not wholly unrighteous. But that’s only because we Christians have been around long enough to make a degree of impact.

In some ways, British Values have changed.
In others, not so much.

I know, based on your State school curriculum, that history is not your strong point. So please allow me to remind you of something. When Christians first arrived here on these Emerald Isles, they found an illiterate people who were running around naked, painted blue, throwing spears at each other, eating human brains, and worshipping frogs. Those were the British Values of the day.

Christianity did not simply confirm these values. We challenged them. We did so back then and we will continue to do so today. And we will actively teach our children to do the same. 

If you send us a notice for not conforming our teaching to British Values, we will ignore or burn it. If you fine us for ignoring it, we will refuse to pay the fine. If we get sent to jail for refusing to pay it, we'll go on hunger strike.

Please make a note on your records, get some caramel lattes there in the office, and save yourselves a visit.

Have a lovely day,

-Rev. Joshua D. Jones

Lead Minister of Therfield Chapel, EFCC.  
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For more on living with godly courage in an ungodly and intimidating nation, please check out our book Elijah Men Eat Meat: Readings to slaughter your inner Ahab and pursue Revival and Reform