A Review: 'Why Can't We Be Friends?' by Aimee Byrd
A FEW YEARS BACK, I accidentally
wrote a book.
‘Stumbled into it’ may be a more
accurate phrase. I was in a heated discussion with other church leaders and the
topic was ‘Is it appropriate for Christians to engage and meaningful friendship
with the other sex within the church?’ I was arguing for the affirmative as
some of the most spiritually supportive individuals in my life had been and
were women.
But after leaving the discussion,
I was hungry for more teaching on the subject.
I went to my source of all
knowledge: Amazon. I began looking for books and, to my surprise, I found just
about nothing on the subject from a Christian perspective. I found a couple of
secular sources, but that’s all I came up with. I figured this was a topic many
other Christians had probably wondered about, so I set myself to doing what I
typically do when even slightly provoked on any subject: I was going to write a
blog post.
I began outlining my thoughts and
soon realised that I had enough material to do a blog series. I wanted to
address the issue from the standpoint of Biblical exegesis, a survey of church
history, and my own experience… and I was just getting started. As I started writing
the posts, someone told me I should probably put all the posts together in an e-book
format so that I could send the whole thing to people.
Having never done an e-book
before, I came across a program on Amazon that allows one to put out e-books
through their Kindle service. After beginning to do this I found out that I
could also print that same e-book in a paperback format. As I finished writing and
was getting ready to self-publish, I also discovered some material on this
subject written by Catholics and Progressives. Some of this material was
helpful―especially
pastorally. But I still found nothing from my classically Evangelical
standpoint.
That’s how the material that I
meant to be a series of blogs turned out to be my first book, ‘Forbidden Friendships’.
I was glad that it met with positive feedback from people. It seemed to help
some people be encouraged in their coed friendships and avoid the pitfalls. Even
an average book can seem like a good book when there’s nothing else available.
It filled a void.
But as I’ve gone on to write
other books―ones
actually meant to be books―I’ve become more and more aware of the shortcomings of my
hastily done monographic debut. I’ve been wishing that a better book, from an Evangelical
/ Complementarian perspective, was written on it.
Now, my wish has come true.
Aimee Byrd has written an engaging
and well researched book on the subject of male-female friendship in the church
entitled ‘Why
Can't We be Friends?: Avoidance Isn't Purity’. Aimee has done her homework.
Anyone wanting to challenge her arguments will have to be well prepared. She wrote
the book that I wish I could go back and write.
But I can’t.
Because I’m not as smart as she
is.
And because time travel is
impossible.
Her book is roughly 200 pages (I’m
unsure as I read a Kindle copy). There is much in her work that is not specific
just to coed friendships. She spends a lot of time developing a theology of Christian
siblinghood―good
thoughts for friends of the same as well as the opposite gender. Her
theological analysis of what it means for us to be ‘sons of God’ was
impressive. She also gives some historical perspective, touching on one of
Calvin’s close female friendships (like the good Presbyterian she is).
She challenges what is often referred
to as ‘the Billy Graham Rule’, but in a gracious way to him and his ministry.
If you have been raised (as I was) with a degree of church gender segregation
in the name of purity, or if you are a strong proponent of the Billy Graham rule,
then let this book challenge your thinking. If you do believe that men and
women (married or single) can engage in deep and meaningful friendship, then
this book with help develop your theological understanding of how these things work.
I’m so glad this book is out
there in the public sphere. I don’t know how many authors get a chance to say
this, but I’ll be recommending her book ahead of my own.
_______________
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