How Often should we have Sex when we get Married?
“There is a flame
that flickers and sways
But burns while we’re apart”
-Gomez,
Tear Your Love Apart
The goal in marriage should
always be a sex life in which each spouse is satisfied by both the quality and
quantity of sex. In fallen world there
may be occasional obstacles to this (trauma, sickness, conflict, etc) but this
is the goal.
Sex is an opportunity to both
enjoy and to serve the other in a way that is powerful and unique to marriage.
If you desire to have sex three times during any given period of time, but your
spouse desires to have sex five times during that same period of time, then you
have the opportunity to enjoy sex three times and lovingly serve the other two
times.
To withhold physical affection from
the other in marriage (be it sexual intercourse or a back rub)is selfish.
According to Scripture withholding sex and not seeking to satisfy the other is
sin (1 Corinthians 7.5). Our bodies are NOT our own in marriage. They belong to
one another. This affects not only the frequency of sex but the way in which it
is enjoyed. They may do nothing for you, but if your wife wants a back rub, get
to it!
Sex is to be given and enjoyed. You both need to
talk about this issue openly and graciously with one another as very often the
frustrated spouse tend to suffer in silence.
When there are deep issues of pain involved there may be need to get
outside (pastoral counsellor, therapist, etc.)
So my question is this: before modern and reliable contraception was the idea of "frequent sex" different to ours?
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